I think I mentioned that I didn’t think I was an emotional eater… well, I now know that I am a guilt-eater. Which actually makes sense. Is guilt an emotion? Sure. But it seems to be the strongest emotion that causes me to eat. This is unfortunate since I tend to feel guilty about a lot of things. Guilt is an emotion that I seem to have no problem identifying and feeling– the same cannot be said about other emotions. Hmmm, must mention that to therapist.
Latest guilt-inducing event: baby falling at grocery store, hitting face on shopping cart wheel, getting a HUGE FAT LIP, and bleeding all over himself and me. It wasn’t really my fault that he fell. He falls A LOT, he’s only been walking for a week and a half, so he is still learning. He is VERY wobbly. Which is where the guilt comes in…. why was I letting him walk in the grocery store when there are so many things he can fall on, or grab, or hit that can hurt him?? Well, because I was about an hour past his nap time and he was tired and cranky and whiny and he kept throwing his head back in the shopping cart seat. Every time he did this he would hit the base of his head on the metal of the cart seat and cry harder. It was pathetic. I let him out of the cart when I had 3 more items to find. He was so happy! He was happiest when he could push the cart by that bar at the bottom (the one where most people rest a foot when they stop for a second). So I was looking at the very last thing on my list and he was walking towards the cart & bar. I knew that if he reached it, he would immediately push the cart into a display. So I went to move the cart, not away from him, just angle it to change where it would go when he pushed it. Well, I didn’t realize he was already lunging/falling for the bar and no longer walking and he hit his face on the part of the bar that holds the wheel. OH THE SCREAM! OH THE BLOOD! OH THE POOR BABY!
It was horrible! He was wiping blood everywhere. I didn’t have anything to wipe the blood, so I went to the check stands and got a paper towel. Then I went to the bathroom. It was bad. But, do you know what was worse??? The guilt. The shame. I felt like the worst mother in the world. Why did I let him walk in the store? Why did I move the cart? Why did I go shopping when he should have been napping?
So I went home and ate the rest of the Cheetos. Did it make me feel better?? No. Did it make his lip better? No. Can I try to do better next time? Yes.
- Breakfast: 1 ½ turkey pita: avocado, turkey, spinach; coffee (non fat milk & sf flavor); ¼ banana
- Snack: 8 California rolls w/ soy
- Lunch: quesadilla, homemade iced-green tea (ok), fish crackers, l/o asparagus,
- Snack: hummus & veggie chips, CHEETOS (emo eating, for sure!!)
- Dinner: tofu fried rice & peas, ½ light beer
- Snack: vanilla ice cream w/ 4 thin mints crumbled on top
Exercise: Gym in the morning- 20 min elliptical, arms
Water: Excellent! Doing good b/c of the lime juice I’ve been putting in.
Energy: Didn’t want to get up, but I did & then felt fine after coffee. I had AWESOME energy after my workout- like I was on a drug or something. Huh, I guess that’s what people mean about exercise!
Hypno tapes: At bed listened to motivation one.
Household: Grocery shopping. Cooked dinner.
Budget/money: Good. Spent more at the grocery store than I should have b/c I didn’t use any coupons & I was buying ingredients for the fried rice that were expensive (sesame oil, etc). Plus I was super rushed after Easton got hurt.
Parenting: 6 Woot! The highest number yet…. although, when I think about the baby getting hurt, it should be lower. I helped Macy w/ her project (read: did more than I should have. Who expects 4th graders to be able to format in Word??) Studied math & spelling w/ Owen.