I’ve been in weekly talk therapy for almost 3 months now. I love my therapist, even though I can’t believe I pay so much to see her. I really feel like she gets me and is in my corner. Yet, at the same time, she can get tough with me and say things to me that I don’t really want to hear. That is a good quality in a therapist.
At my most recent session, I was telling her that I’m really motivated to get healthy & get down to my “perfect” weight. She asked me how much I wanted to lose. I told her at least 114 pounds. She said, “Wow, that’s like a whole person.” Gulp, that was not such a pleasant thought, true, but a yucky thing to think about. She kind of casually threw out there that I should name these 114+ pounds as a way to visualize and communicate better about what it means to me. So I said, “How about Ed?” Yes, I named my fat Ed. I don’t really know why, but it was the first name I thought of. Judy was a little surprised I think of this excess weight as male, but as any good therapist would do, she asked me if there was a reason for that.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized Ed was a perfect name! I think Ed is an appropriate name for my excess weight because with him here, I DEFINITELY don’t feel very feminine. I haven’t for years. In fact, the most feminine I feel is when I’m pregnant. Also, with this excess weight, I know I have extra testosterone in my blood from recent blood tests. Also, being this heavy causes me not to have periods and to have excess facial hair and acne. In short, Ed is messing with my hormones. I fully anticipate that once Ed is gone I will feel feminine again and I can’t wait!