What will they Remember?

Food:

  • Breakfast: fiber1 cereal/NF milk, 2 poached eggs, 1 coffee w/ creamer, 1 coffee w/ ½ & ½ & stevia
  • Snack:
  • Lunch: 6 California rolls, soy, ¼ pear
  • Snack: PB toast
  • Dinner: cx enchilada, beans, brown rice, chips & guac
  • Snack:

Exercise:  5 laps around school & kitchen cleaning (the sweat was literally dripping off of my head and on to my clean floor! I really worked it!)

Water: good (as long as I have my lemon!)

Energy: Excellent!

Household: I completely cleaned the kitchen! Floors & all! AWESOME! I also vacuumed the family & entry

Budget/money: It’s easy to stay on budget when I don’t leave the house!!

Parenting: 5 I was super engaged w/ E today. Also, pretty good with M & O during homework.  Could have been better during bedtime, but I was so exhausted after not taking a nap… could barely muster the energy to brush my teeth. Tomorrow will be better.

Gratitude:  My life & health. Karen has spots on her liver & she is really worried. She posted to FB, “I hope my children remember me.” Oh my gosh, that is heart-wrenching! Then it got me thinking about my own children and would they remember me? Now, M & O, of course they would, but WHAT would they remember about me. Ewwww. That was such a horrible thought. They would remember the yelling, the stress, the fatness, the depression, the naps…. I could go on and on. What positive things would they remember?

I have no doubt that if Scott died the kids would be devastated by his absence forever. But by mine? Realistically, probably not. Sure they would miss me, but not to the same level as Scott or any other “normal” mommy. That sucks, but I brought it on myself. I missed a lot during my “mental absence.” I can never get that back.  I also lost a lot of their love and trust, but THOSE I can earn back. And I will. I am going to be more present in their daily life. I am going to be more present in our interactions. I am going to be more of a presence in their lives- P E R I O D.

This life I’ve been leading has been ridiculous.

  • I’ve missed out on so much already- Macy’s going to be 10 this year!! I can’t get it back, but I can be the Mommy I want to be from here on out.

I’m going to be 35 next month—if I want to live to at least 75, I have to change my health. I want to be the Woman I want to be from here on out.

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