Why do I want to do this?

So, I’ve given a lot of thought to blogging and if and why I want to do it. I want to do it because I really do enjoy writing. As sporadically as I do it, I think several times a day of topics that I should blog about. I also know that the Blogging World can be an amazing and supportive community that I really would like to be a part of and contribute to.

I’ve written on the Internet since 2004. I first started as a place to chronicle our RV trip across country with 2 small children. Keep in mind, that was waaaay before WiFi. I had to find a place to plug my laptop into at random places. It was sometimes creepy and not readily available. (Sometimes I want to repeat that trip with my 4 kids, just to see how different and easier it would be with WiFi everywhere.)

I then, very randomly, continued to blog. But I did it like therapy/journal style. It was TMI and very personal. I did it for me and nobody read my stuff. I was OK with that. I continued to read many other blogs. But I wasn’t connected to other bloggers. I realize now that I missed out on a big piece of blogging. I didn’t actively try to become part of the community. I never commented on other blogs. I never promoted my own blog. I was an island.

Now I realize that if I want to be part of the community I need to be an active participant in it. This all comes down to my lack of self-confidence and feelings of worthlessness. “Why would someone want me to comment?” “Why would someone want to read what I have to say.” I’ve seen the nastiness that also comes with blogging, and part of me was very worried about opening myself up to that. But, that was at the expense of doing something that I really enjoy. That fear kept me from becoming part of this community that I really want to be a part of. So I’m going forget my fear and just dive right in.

Another reason why this is important to me right now is that I find myself lacking in meaningful, adult connections. I have a serious lack of in real life friends. There are many reasons for that, but the main reasons are because of not working and the weird spacing of my kids. I had a lot of friends when I was working, but I’m doing the stay-at-home thing now, and my old work friends are busy working and with their own families. The spacing of my kids is what has made things very challenging. 4 kids, ranging from 12 years to 7 months, makes me busy in a weird way. The older kids are busy with band, Girl Scouts, Little League, and Pop Warner football. We actually have many friends through our oldest son’s sports teams. I like these people a lot. More importantly, so does my husband. But the problems occur with the little kids. They are so much younger than everyone else’s kids. I end up not being able to socialize because I am busy with making sure the 4 year old is safe and entertained and breastfeeding and changing the diapers of the baby. I just can’t really make meaningful connections with the women. They want to and I want to, but it just falls short somehow, and this is the only thing I can think it is. I’ve thought of doing Mommy and me groups with the younger 2, but I know that the same thing will happen, but be the opposite problem, the older kids won’t fit in. Plus, we are so busy with the older 2, I just won’t even be able to find the time to hang with anyone else.

Enter blogging. I hope I can find the connections that I find myself so desperately seeking. The bonus from blogging, for me, is that I get to do the introspective stuff that I also crave. I have spent a couple hours today reading things that I wrote years ago, and it has been invaluable. I’ve forgotten a lot of little things. I’ve forgotten how depressed I can get. I’ve forgotten how hopeful I’ve been. It’s been nice to read those things. I think the future me will appreciate me starting this back up again so I can remember the little things again.

So, the short of it: I’m going to do this blogging thing again. Here I go. Please read along and comment! I want to be part of a community. Won’t you join me?

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