Sometime early in the summer, I decided I wanted to get to work on improving my health and therefore improving my life. So I joined Biggest Blogging Loser. It’s a competition of sorts to help motivate and hold people accountable while trying to lose weight. I have sent in my weight/scale pics to Jennie , hostess of this BBL. I joined the Facebook BBL group. And… that’s about it. I somewhat watched what I ate. But not really. It was like I thought that signing up for BBL would be enough. Ha. Not even close.
And then my 20 year high school reunion was coming up. And I lamented how bad I’d let myself get. And I was so unhappy with myself that I started to feel a shift. This shift towards seriously considering what it was going to take to make a change to my health. I stated researching gyms and personal trainers in early June. And that started me thinking about what would work for me.
I knew I wanted to incorporate strength training. But I did not want to go to a Big Brand Gym, even though one is really close to my house. I’ve done that route before and it simply doesn’t work for me. I get overwhelmed with what to do so I do cardio and a few weight machines and that’s it. I don’t push myself for fear of looking like an idiot.
Some Facebook friends are into Crossfit, and that seemed interesting, but I couldn’t ever see myself THAT hardcore. I thought about park-based bootcamps and stroller stride-type classes. But pretty early on I knew I was going to need a personal trainer.
So I found a small gym 10 minutes away that has bootcamps and personal trainers. And I social-media stalked it. I checked out online reviews. Facebook pages of people associated with it. And just tried to imagine if this was the place for me to start my journey. And I thought and stewed about it. For at least 6 weeks. Then I realized I had to call them. I got all sweaty just thinking about it. So I just thought about it some more. I needed to find out how much it cost before I could even see if it was going to work for me. So I emailed. Which led to a consultation and training session with the owner.
Driving up to the gym that initial time, I had to face all my Fat Girl Demons. I almost turned my car around. I was on the verge of tears. What was I afraid of? I couldn’t verbalize it at first. I didn’t exactly know. But it was fear, plain and simple.
So I did my workout. The owner and the trainers and other clients were all very friendly and supportive. It was a hard work out. I pushed myself. I found out how much it cost and tried not to choke. It was more than I thought, but somewhat doable with some belt tightening. I had to do this. I felt like it was now or never. I signed on the dotted line. I set up my next session with the trainer who the owner thought would be a good fit for me. I got in my car and drove away.
As I was driving away, I realized that my fear had come true, even though I couldn’t verbalize it prior. I was The Fattest Girl in the Gym. But nobody pointed at me or laughed at me. Because in the end, it didn’t matter.